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| As I near the conclusion of the summer, I can only look back with nostalgia. I know I said this about last summer, but this was, by far, the best summer I've ever had. It was absolutely perfect, and the more I replay all of it in my mind, the more I can't help but smile upon all that has happened.
Kelli Gann and I took a little trip to Auburn, Alabama to visit Lauri, Lauren, and Brooke. These are three beautiful ladies who were members of my missions team to Swaziland, and they were the ones who impacted me the most during my time there. The weekend was a blessing beyond my own comprehension. One night, as we sat around a table, talking and laughing, I looked around at my sisters and realized that God suddenly felt very near and very REAL at that moment. I know it sounds sort of dumb, but I seemed to have frozen that moment in my mind and brought it home with me. Suddenly, it seems like nothing else matters in the world - all our worries, anxieties, fears and doubts. We are given this life. Why not embrace it, and embrace it fully?
I came back from Swaziland with the Proverbs 31 woman as a hero of mine. Not only do I find Lauren Samford a living example of that woman, but I find her being the woman that I've always longed to be. I am making it a priority to live more like her, for she is a true woman of God.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord should be praised."
- Proverbs 31:30 | | |
| Right now, I feel like life couldn't really get much better. On Sunday, my friends and I drove down to New Orleans to see Neko Case. It was my second time seeing her, and I must say, I was blown away all over again...even more so that the first time, I believe. She was so engaging, and upbeat (because she wasn't sick this time), and she said lots of really funny things in between her songs. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and we could have all gone home happy right then, but the real kicker came when we were able to meet Neko after the show.
One worry that I always have is meeting someone that you consider to be a hero, or someone you really love and admire, and then end up being a total snob. I thougt that she would be nice when I met her, but I had no idea she'd be so down to earth. She's one of the sweetest ladies in the whole world, and she made us feel like she was blessed to be in our company, when in fact, it was quite the opposite. Like a moron, I stopped her before she even made her way to where she'd be waiting to meet everyone, simply because I was in her way, and she said "excuse me." I wanted to hold it in, because I knew I would make myself look like an idiot, but the words just flew out of my mouth, and I stopped her and chatted with her. Then she told me to go over and talk to her where she'd be meeting everyone, so that I could take a picture, so Olivia, Gustavo and I did so. I said every stupid and annoying thing that you can say when you meet a celebrity, and I'm sure she was annoyed by me. Nothing I said had been said to her before, I'm sure, but I still consider it to be a great moment. She wished Gustavo a happy birthday nearly six times, and she even informed us that she would be back in New Orleans with The New Pornographers on Halloween. We took pictures with her, and reminisced about it all the way home. She blessed us greatly, and I'd be lying if I said that I wan't STILL feeling the effects of her warmth. It's so humbling to meet someone like that. You would think she'd get tired of it, yet she showed no annoyance at all, and I love her even more for that.
I now I sound like a complete idiot, but I really had to update this and record what happened. Don't lie and tell me I'm not an idiot, because I know I am. No shame.
Also, my mother loves Neko Case, and she told me that her favorite song by her is "I Wish I Was The Moon". When she played that song, I thought about my mom, and almost called her during the song...then I realized it was my MOM. What is the world coming to? We call our moms at shows instead of our friends? Now, that's just pushing it. | | |
| So unless something really huge happens that clarifies that I must be stopped, then it looks like I'm headed back to Africa in January for three months. This means that I must take a leave of absence during the entire spring semester. This also puts me at least one more semester behind in school, in addition to being quite behind, already. This is something that I want to do, but sometimes I wish that the desires that the Lord gives me would make things a little easier for me. He is calling me to make a few sacrifices, and the coward in me wants to ignore those desires because it seems to wreck the entire life that I've mapped out for myself. However, who's life is it to map out? The phrase "my life is not my own" has been severely overlooked, especially in my case, and I somehow think that whatever plans that I've laid out for the next 10 years in my head will eventually play out. But who's plans are they? Not mine. This is something that I am learning in big ways. I would be lying if I said it were easy.
So it could be Kenya...it could be back to Swaziland...either way, I am going to a place what I am sure that God wants to use me. The thought is both terrifying and exciting. I just can't let my excessive worry consume me as it always manages to do, and I must walk in faith.
I can say that I've lived here in honor and danger
But I'm just an animal that cannot explain a life
Down this chain of days I wish to stay among my people
Relation now means nothing, having chosen so defined
And if death should smell my breathing
As it passed beneath my window
Let it lead me trembling, trembling
I own every bell that tolls me | | |
| I'm not quite sure why I am even attempting to write on update on Africa, because nothing I will say could possibly capsulize the beauty of our Father, and all that he has done on this short, month-long trip. However, I will try to sum it up as best as possible.
God has broken me in so many ways that it was impossible for me to return home as the same person. He made sure that he wrecked my life, and I could not be more thankful. If I learned ANYTHING there, it was trust, confidence, and obedience. I must be obedient when he speaks, and I must surrender my all to him, even when I believe the lie that I am not equipped to do so.
The Lord also blessed me abundantly with the closest and most comfortable fellowship that I've ever know. Because of that, I have gained brothers and sisters that I will continue to love and pray for (and hopefully visit very soon). I laughed with them, cried with them, shared with them, ate with them, lived with them, and was forced to return home with with an emptiness because I was without them. We cried like babies at the airport, which made the return home a little depressing. God used them to show me that his will is the only one, and that I must throw my own out of the window. "Teach me to do your will for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on level ground." - Psalm 143:10
All in all, I had the time of my life. I laughed harder than I ever have, and vowed to take home hundreds of those precious children. I will have pictures soon, although pictures cannot capture what I experienced, and neither can words. So I will leave you with something that a kid wrote on a bookmark, as he was instructed to write what he thought love was. His response was as follows:
"Love come from Jesus and Jesus give us love. Love is not bad and it is not rubbish. Love is a good thing from Jesus."
That is truly childlike faith. I wish to gain it. | | |
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